I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize