At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
