I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
