Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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