I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
