just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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