Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
