Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
