apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
