apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
