I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
