Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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