im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My vagina is officially offended.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
