'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
