She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
