I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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