he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize