Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
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You. Win. At. Life.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
