How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize