i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
