I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You are a genius and a whore.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
