4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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