rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
