I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
