The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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