I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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