How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i came on her dog
it's like heaven, but drunker
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
