eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize