So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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