youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
tonight lets celebrate not being married
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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