i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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