he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
