Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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