I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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