is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I skipped work to stalk him.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
