i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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