...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
