Will you blow on my dice?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
