conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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