The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
