i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
