Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
