the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Will exercising make me less horny?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We smell like vodka and hangover
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