I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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