i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
