i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
