What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize