i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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