is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize