What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
