I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
