im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
