one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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