he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
