I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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