The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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