I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
