You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
the raccoons are back...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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