What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
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