he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
