I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
