Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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