In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
