The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
