We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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