I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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