dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize