Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
