Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
